Give me a second while I take a deep sigh of relief as a thank you to the universe to finally have a moment of stillness. And while taking that deep sigh of relief I’m going to engage in some deep breathing. Join me if you will.
Sit up straight, close your eyes, and let’s begin the deep breathing process. Breathe in for 5…4…3…2…1, and breathe out for 5…4…3…2…1.
That’s much better. Now let’s catch up!
It has been a while since we’ve last connected. A lot has happened in my life over the past couple of months that required me to slow down, take a break, and reconnect with myself. While it has not been an easy task it has most certainly been one that was long overdue. And I can honestly say since taking that time off from all the overwhelming stressors in my life, I feel so much better.
I won’t go too deep into detail about all the overwhelming aspects of my life at the time. But to give you some context let’s just say between working a full-time job in the field of healthcare, doing coaching on the side, taking care of my family, and trying my best to take care of myself, I was crashing hard!
See I thought I was doing a good job with taking care of myself but the truth was I wasn’t.
I had become so caught up in the problems of others trying to keep them safe, happy, and healthy that I completely lost sight of myself. I stopped getting proper rest at night, I stopped eating well, I stopped taking my physical self-care seriously, and I even stopped engaging in leisure activities that I enjoy.
I just completely shut down and went on autopilot, often telling myself “Just one more week and everything will be ok” even though I knew that wasn’t the truth.
It wasn’t until I started to have multiple panic attacks in a week, became increasingly irritated with those around me, had an increase in insomnia, and was neglecting to eat or hydrate properly altogether that my body began to break down on me. As a result, I was constantly sick, experienced low energy, super impatient with others, and was no longer able to connect with myself.
And that’s when I knew that I needed to change my life if I wanted to get better, be better, and stay better.
So, I took a break from all of it (expect work because I need to make a living in order to survive). I stopped being so quick to solve others’ problems, I stopped committing to ridiculous work hours, I stopped neglecting my body proper nourishment and shifted my focus back to eating well, I committed to increasing my daily hydration, and I even put myself on a new daily wellness routine.
I didn’t like the way I was feeling trying to be everything for everyone, so I stopped putting that kind of pressure and responsibility on myself. Once I made the decision to do that, I then turned all of that exhaustion inward and began the work on reconnecting with myself. I won’t lie, it was VERY HARD for me to break all these people pleasing habits and behaviors as a means to commit to putting myself first, but I forced myself to do it.
And thank God I did because while I am not perfect, I do believe that I am a much better version of myself than I was before. And because I know how hard and defeating such a task can be, I wanted to share with you the things that I did to commit to change and to see that commitment through. That way if you find yourself in this same phase of life, you can begin to undo your people pleasing habits and behaviors too.
Tips for reconnecting with yourself
1. Re-evaluate your priorities
First things first, girl you have got to take a long, hard look at your list of responsibilities. Look at it, really take it all in, and then decide what truly is your responsibility to take on or what is not. What is a realistic expectation of you as a support system in the life of someone else, and what is an unrealistic expectation because it leads to many factors that are completely out of your control?
Take that list and begin to really work on it. Remove what is not serving your positively and keep the things that do not cause you a great amount of overwhelming stress. PURGE that fucking list! And then take what’s left and re-order it. Put your highest priorities at the very top (and YOU better be #1) and make your way down the list.
This may seem like such a daunting task but it is absolutely necessary if you want to be able to reconnect with yourself. You have to cleanse all the stress and negativity out of your life in order to make room for all the peace and positivity.
2. Practice saying “no”
This is a big one. The reason I found myself circling the drain to begin with was because I struggled with telling people no! This is a major side effect of being a people pleaser and one that I had to learn to overcome immediately. And you will too if you’re committed to releasing your toxic people pleasing behaviors.
Saying “no” does not make you a bad person, does not mean you don’t care, and most certainly does not mean you are being selfish! It simply means you are being more honest with yourself about what does and does not seem like a fair expectation of you for that moment in time. It’s nothing to be ashamed about and nothing to allow others to make you feel shameful for.
It’s just something different, in a good way, that allows you to really be more in-tuned with yourself, your self-care, and your needs.
3. Spend time away
Get away. Take that mini vacation, or go enjoy your expensive coffee in the coffee shop while you get lost in a good book. Go on that long overdue lunch date with your girlfriends, or spend the day curled up on the couch in your favorite pajamas binge watching your favorite TV show. Take that 30-minute lunch break disconnected from the world, or take the long way home to clear your mind.
Whatever you do just give yourself time away! Allow yourself to spend time alone, away from the kids, your job, your pets, your spouse, and yes even at times your friends. Allow yourself to be able to invest more free time in YOU. Doing so will allow you to show up so much better, stronger, and healthier for the ones you want to show up for.
Most importantly it will allow you to show up better for yourself. Afterall, you can’t pour from an empty cup, and pouring from one that is half full doesn’t really serve anyone either.
4. Create a new routine
Lastly, the honest to God truth is even if you do all the things listed above, you still have to find a routine that works best for you. Because in order to really see change you have to create change in your life. You have to let go of all the things that you use to do and replace them with something new. You have to be willing to switch up your daily routine in order to experience something new that could eventually be more positive for your life.
This shift is never easy and it’s always going to present a lot of challenges. But if you want to get better, do better, and be better you have to give yourself a chance to rise up to the occasion.
And if you are ready to reconnect with yourself then I want to invite you to take part in the free 7 Day Self-Care Challenge. This challenge will help you accomplish everything listed above and so much more.
Over the course of 7 days, you will learn how to release all those toxic people pleasing behaviors, so that you can proudly start wearing your me first badge of honor. And as a result of that your life will significantly improve for the better.
It all starts with making the commitment to yourself to allow an overflow of abundance to enter into your life. Tell the universe what you want I promise in due time she will give it to you. But you have to open your mind and your heart to receiving it.
So, tell me, are you in? If so, click the link below to get started!
Join the 7 Day Self-Care Challenge!
Until next time,
Dr. Kimora